Tears finally shed....

I always give my husband a hard time bout being unemotional, never really showing what he's feeling, unless you count his moods, cause he is a classic Cancer...very moody at times...but that is how he is, and sometimes it's hard to tell how something effects him cause he just keeps it all inside. Does it drive me nuts? OH YES more than you can believe! LOL I always thought of myself as completely emotional, I mean I can cry at the drop of a dime while watching movies, tv or even commercials. But I guess in reality, I'm Emphatically emotional, my empathy for others is so strong that I become emotional when they are feeling emotional. However, with myself I'm finding that I tend to push my crap down pretty far and because of that, I tend to not release it, at least not the way it's supposed to.

When D left for Boot camp, my neighbor and closest friend here was bawling her eyes out. Like her man was leaving for 9 weeks. Yet I never shed a tear, at first I thought it was odd, but everyone is different. When she moved back to her home state a few days later, she was bawling her eyes out again while saying good bye to me, and while I teared up a bit it's was not anything near dramatic, I mean the tears didnt' even roll down my face. I get frustrated with this sometimes, cause I can feel it dwelling inside, I need to let it out, I want to let it but it just doesnt' flow. Until Yesterday....

I finally broke yesterday morning. I sat on my couch sobbing, snotty nose and all. I was incredibly lonely, I wanted my husband so bad. I wanted his arms around me, to hear he loves me, to not be alone. All weekend long I just wanted adult interaction, socialization, maybe even a beer or two. But I didnt' have anyone available that could provide that for me. One of the downfalls for living so far away from Friends and Home. Something that I should be used to at this point, however, D is usually around and my Kasey, who has been my buddy for the past year is now gone too. It was a tough weekend, yet when I look back it wasn't that bad, But A was a poop all day Sat. I no longer had any patience with her constant nagging me. I'm talking the kind of nagging that involves her walking into my room with her swimsuit on at 730 am ready to go to the pool! Sigh...

We are just at the beginning of this and I know we will get through it and there are going to be ups and downs, but I just want to hear from him again. I guess I am feeling slightly insecure right now, I miss him and want to hear that he is missing me too. I better get used to this kind of living, cause it's going to become a constant in our life.